Today on the 29th of May 2016, my hubby and I celebrated 11 years of marriage. We decided to celebrate big and enjoy a helicopter ride, perhaps almost synonymous with our marriage, one hell of a ride!
No matter how happy a couple look, I can tell you honestly that there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. I am in an inter-racial age-gap marriage with baggage brought from our former lives and issues developed within our lifetime. However, at the core, we are truly content and in my experience, here are at least 10 ways a marriage can be happily ever after:
1. Have a common spiritual belief
Regardless of what your beliefs are, if you don’t share the same spiritual outlook with your potential spouse, your marriage might not work. I have seen it time and time again over the years that different beliefs often cause division in a marriage because your morals and values derive from them. Look for someone who shares the same spiritual foundation as you, as this is at the core of who you are as a person.
2. Know exactly what you want in a spouse
We knew exactly what we wanted from a spouse and did not waiver from that despite propositions from other people. Call it fate or whatever you may but it is incredible how you get what you want when you know exactly what that is.
3. Have no secrets before marriage
We knew the good, the bad and the ugly about each other before we decided to wed. Your past always comes back to haunt you in the future so if you haven’t been honest with your spouse, it may damage your union.
4. Meet their family and friends
A good way to know your potential spouse better is in the company of other people. Observe how they interact with their parents, children, family and friends. It may reveal qualities that you like or dislike about them.
5. Seek marriage counselling
We spent 6 weeks getting marriage counselling before we decided to wed. It was the best investment as those 6 weeks taught us how to resolve conflicts maturely. A lifetime of marriage is filled with differences in everything; from opinions, to how many children you’ll have, to financial management, etc… so learning some basics of daily married life is handy.
6. Observe how they handle their finances
This is a real serious point – financial stress is one of the biggest killers of marriage. It takes all sorts to make the money world go around – from the spenders to the savers, the frugal to the flamboyant. You’ve got to know how you handle your own money and ascertain if your potential spouse’s ways fit in with yours.
7. Accept them or move on
I have heard so many friends, male and female, determined to change their spouse into something that they really want. It does not work like that, trust me, I use to try. People don’t change much at all and you are kidding yourself if you think you can. Accept your potential spouse warts and all or move on to someone that suits you better.
8. Marry your best friend
That’s not a fancy saying. It’s a fact. Your best friend is someone you can talk to for hours on end about anything and still not be bored with each other. Your best friend is also someone who is there for you through thick and thin, good times and bad. Marry that kind of person, a true and loyal friend.
9. Keep it spicy
Yep, I went there! Bedroom activities are different for everyone. I have found that as long as we communicate about it all and keep things interesting in the bedroom, lifetime marriages can be a lot of fun in that regard.
We talk a lot about everything. From the conversational topics of religion, politics, racial issues, business, etc… To the intimate details of our lives such as feelings, fears, mistakes, hopes and dreams. Deep communication keeps us connected on a personal level.
“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person,” – Mignon McLaughlin, American author.
So that’s my two cents worth on a successful relationship. I wish you all the best in your pursuit of love and marriage.